No non-publicists will remember three days from now who won any of the American Music Awards -- possibly not even perpetually flabbergasted Taylor Swift, once she comes to her senses after enthusiastically picking up the Entertainer of the Year award for a second time (just a week and a half after getting a trophy of the same name at the CMA Awards).

But what about the unofficial Watercooler Awards, as we like to call them? The odd and inappropriate moments that merit that prize will go down in everlasting infamy, we tell you. (Or at least be good for a half-week's worth of office chatter.) And after an unprovocative start in which even Nicki Minaj seemed unusually tame, we did finally get a few of those memorable tidbits. Special word up to Jennifer Lopez and Christina Aguilera, in particular, both of whose appearances briefly threatened to break Twitter.

J.Lo's medley actually managed to include something to offend everybody, which is quite a feat in this day and age. Folks who weren't bothered by the raunchy, borderline-NSFW sexuality of her bumping and grinding with Pitbull were sure to take issue with the crass commercialism that had her basically hosting a live Fiat commercial. And vice versa.

Lopez first appeared in a long, classy gown mock-crying her way through a sensitive ballad, only to step, give a mischievous you-know-I'm-no-good look, and wait for trip wires to whisk most of her clothing away. She still had another, slinkier dress on when she got into the on-stage Fiat and pretended to drive it into the bowels of hell to which we would soon descend. Exiting the car, she removed the dress and revealed a flesh-toned body stocking, which Pitbull leered at and rubbed up against... shortly before he went over and did a duet with her ex, Marc Anthony.